Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
