you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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