She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Im part way to drunk.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
