She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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