i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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