I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
and you fell through a lawn chair
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
