we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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