you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
