Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
