I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
