my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
