I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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