babies were throwing up all over the place
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
