she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Still dying that you shit outside
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
