i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
