come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
