I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
