You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
