I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
