So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm always down for nudity.
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