I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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