Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
