I love black thongs
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Two words: nipple clamps
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