FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
