So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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