the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
