There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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