we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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