Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
