i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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