So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
