so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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