'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His hands were made for my vagina.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
