i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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