In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
