They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
