Swine flu. Run for my life!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
