I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
