If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
