thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
