I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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