he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
