I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
