I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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