Have you finally orgasmed yet?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
