I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
