Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
