I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
