so explain again why im purple
no
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
