is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
