And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
