I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
