I just saw a hot homeless man
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
