Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
