I don't think brook has ever known best
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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