YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
