yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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