Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
