Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
