exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
