I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
