I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
