I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i think i just lost a toe
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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