All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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