How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
