Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
