PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
