I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
