Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
