Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
